Soul Retrieval

There’s a moment in your bathroom when I feel myself become him, without even trying.  I’m standing facing you, feasting my eyes on you, giggling with the kind of unbridled joy I have rarely experienced but which seems to be increasingly present in my life now, when I feel my shoulders broaden, my hips narrow, my voice deepen, my hair shorten.  I am completely transformed, embodying this aspect of myself completely.  He is thrilled to be here, to be welcomed, after so many years of separation, denial, rigidity, fear.  I suddenly remember how much time I spent being him as a child; my chosen identity in at least half of the games I played.  With an effortless rush, we are back in each other’s arms, in each other’s skin, as if no time has passed at all.  There is no reproach, no pain in this reconciliation.  There is only excitement, pleasure, flow–the desire of a child to play a beloved game again.  He has always been an adventurer.

Just like that, half of my soul is restored to me.  Only a few seconds have passed.  I’m standing there giddy with the sweetness of acceptance, safety, recognition.  All I can do is laugh, kiss you, and feel my heart break open again in order to rebuild itself in the space of a breath.  Like a trail of glowing pebbles tracing through deep forests under the summer moon, I see all the little ways I have created space in my life to facilitate this return–not knowing exactly why, or where it was leading, but trusting the gentle whispers of intuition–one illuminated step at a time.  Allowing myself to sense who I am every day, to tune in to what is asking for expression, instead of assuming I already know.  The practice of fluidity.  

And now this piece of me comes home, into the safe space I have prepared.  Integration brings with it a surge of energy.  With a sigh of surrender, with a cry of passion, with tears of relief, I fall more deeply into love.  What a gift it is to be here, and to play with you.