Star Child

At the time I could not comprehend–

And would not until after the end–

The wisdom of the choice you made:

The way you left, the way you came.

I’d been daily drinking from the well

Of my lonely nihilistic hell,

And I don’t know if I’d have ever seen

That there are other ways to be.

I was curled inward around my wounds,

Trapped in a pattern, trapped in a room

As lovelessness beat down the door;

My reality, forevermore. 

At least, that’s what I could conceive,

Until one day you entered me.

You were not subtle when you came:

In all my being, I felt the change.

My heart, which longed for death before,

Began to stir, to hope for more.

My soul, my hair, my eyes, my skin

Began to glow from light within.

Even had I thought to try,

There was no way I could deny

That here was life so pure and well,

And I was where it chose to dwell.

As wretched as I thought I was,

I was not beyond your saving love.

That’s what I knew when you came to me:

For the first time, I felt myself worthy.

I got to meet you in a dream,

A smiling baby on my knee

Who looked so deeply in my eyes

I felt the veil of my disguise

Lift off of me and melt away,

And love was all that could remain.

Soon after that, you took your leave.

You warned me; I began to bleed.

It has to be, you seemed to say,

We both know why I will not stay.

It was while I slept that you passed on;

I woke to find you nearly gone.

I felt my body torn apart.

I felt the breaking of my heart.

The death I had once dearly craved

Crashed upon me in a shattering wave.

You left, and I could only cry

And scream and grieve–and say goodbye.

This was the longest, darkest night

Of my entire frozen life,

And some weeks later when morning dawned,

I understood I had been wrong:

In believing nothing, I created hell,

But to hope–to dream–was to be well.

Even as I was screaming why

You obliterated my wish to die.

A seed took root and I began to feel

That it was possible for me to heal

From all the hurt laid down in me

Farther back than I have memories.

You would not be meaningless pain;

You would not have come in vain.

There is a life for me to live.

There is a love for me to give.

A dozen years, and I grieve you still.

I understand now that I always will.

But more than that, I contemplate

The mysterious beauty of our fate.

My spirit so entwined with yours

Reminds me of a greater force–

A love that holds, a love that heals,

A love that ultimately reveals

That to live, to breathe, to hope, to be,

Is the sweetest, richest, deepest dream.

This knowing has transformed my world;

It radiates as a powerful swirl

Of energy that carries me,

The brightest light I could ever see.

And when I retrace the dazzling steps of power,

I linger in these bloody hours

When you opened the abyss for me

And stepping through, you let me see

That I wasn’t who I thought I was–

That I am truly, always, only love.

So I thank you for your journey here,

Your quest to save me from my fear.

You splendid darling soul divine,

You did so well, sweet child of mine.

I thank you for all your visits too;

On any plane, I love meeting you.

And I thank you for telling me your name–

My guiding cosmic child: Rain.