Energy Work

When the energy rises to my throat, I am met with fear.  I’m surprised to discover it.  It’s like that sometimes, the emotion lurking somewhere in my body, hesitant to make itself known.  I can’t blame it; I used to be in the habit of rejecting what I felt automatically.  My body doesn’t yet know in its entirety that I am no longer someone who does that.

In the interest of getting her up to speed, I sit in the fear as I would in a cloud of mist on a mountaintop.  It’s still a new experience, to sit in fear without identifying myself with it.  What is this? I ask it. What are you so afraid of?  Blue and white light flashes and strobes before my closed eyes, something moving around, a rock flipped over to reveal the life below.

Change, this part of me cries. We are changing so much, so fast, and there is more on the way.  We feel it coming and you aren’t going to stop it.  What will happen to us?  What will happen to our attachments?

Oh honey, I tell it without words, from the place beyond space and time. I am here.  

I focus on filling my throat and the space all around my body with love.  There is nothing else to be done.  The wheel has been set in motion.  A new life will cost you the old one.  How much am I willing to let go of in order to draw my dreams into being?  I have been writing it daily, creating new laws, I release all that is not for me, and yet only now do I begin to feel the shape of what that spell may truly mean.  I feel the world turning, drawing closer, opening its doors for me, welcoming me onward–and all I must do to step through the portal is leave behind who I was and all that she created. 

Later when I pull the Sun card, I begin to cry.  The unanticipated grieving process of becoming a higher Self.